ihopericksantorum: I hope Rick Santorum spills his coffee in the middle of class and has no idea what to do.
Thatcher: If you were my husband, I would put poison in your coffee.
Churchill: If you were my wife, I would drink it.
Boy: Did it hurt?
Girl: (sigh) Did what hurt?
Boy: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.
coloneldirtyfishydishcloth: ladyatheist: brrrwave: they tried to abort him… but he wasn’t having any of THAT SHIT this summer baby jason statham is ABORTION SURVIVOR
If you don't reblog this, you're heartless.
This man was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning he breaks his legs, and every afternoon he breaks his arms. At night, he lies awake in agony until his heart attacks put him to sleep.
We begin tonight with Zeno’s Paradox, which postulates that to get your...– JON STEWART, The Daily Show (via inothernews)